resisting temptation.

i REALLY wanted to go shopping today.  instead i will relax, watch the jets game and clean my apt.  will go to cvs in a little bit to get a few things and then do laundry.  seems so simple, but it's SO HARD to not go shopping! especially when it's a 5 minute walk away.

o.m.g.

major major bender lately.  probably why i haven't been on here lately.  i did read recently about a woman who was deep in debt, had a good job and was in a very similar situation to me.  she kinda inspired me.  so, i'm going to keep at it!  there seriously is nothing out there i need to buy.  at. all.  why can't i stop???  i need a boyfriend or something to keep me occupied so i stop buying crap.  if only i were kidding.  sigh.  i want to stop so badly, but it's so hard! i live in the shopping capitol of the world.  from now on, i vow to put my energy towards going to the gym and keeping my flabby butt out of the stores.  there, i said it.

wow.

i just realized i walked all the way home from work and didn't stop in a single store.  and i got my frozen yogurt for free b/c the guy couldn't figure out the register-double win!  tomorrow won't be doing any shopping b/c i'm meeting friends after work.  bringing wine, and i already have a few bottles laying around which i've yet to open.  i did, however, receive bloomingdale's friends and family in the mail.  eek!  going to try not to use it.  is there ANYTHING i actually need?! probably not.  maybe new jeans if i don't go to the gym soon. haha!

holla!

alright, i did good and bad.  good? i forgot to go to macys so my coupon expired.  good! bad? i used a credit card or two this week.  but at least i didn't go to macys. that would've meant $200 boots and $100 dresses.  baby steps, baby steps, baby steps...

i need to update more.

it's yom kippur.  the holiest day of the year for jewish people. i'll be spending this time thinking and reflecting. and not shopping! i got a sweater at banana last night (40% off) but i'm going to return it.  don't need it or really love that much. got my hair all chopped off and feel like a new woman.  i hope this cheers me up.  i've been doing much better at work lately. scored some huge interviews; writing is improving. i feel a little pep in my step. now i just need a man. ha! less stressed means i don't want to shop as much...yay me!

time for me to get happy again. maybe cutting my hair will do it? seems so small, but so big at the same time? also, re-evaluating my life in nyc has really put things in perspective for me. am i ready to leave? probably not. time for me to turn things around and get my priorities straight. one day at a time.

how'd i do this weekend?

alright.  not great. had to buy dark colored pants for work on saturday and charged them.  but, at least i'll wear them again, right? and i'm not charging things so mindlessly again.

so incredibly stressed lately. going to try and regroup and figure out my life this week.  and try not to shop. that possible? we shall see.

glass case of emotion..

good news. didn't spend a penny today.  bad news?  i'm having a mini-meltdown at the thought of leaving my family and moving to washington, dc.  but, i'm making LOTS of connections and hoping i can figure out a new adventure in NYC.

anywho-tomorrow is "fashion night out" in nyc and i'm NOT going to bloomingdales-yay!  i have to work super early on saturday so i am going to try and skip shopping altogether.  will see how that goes....eeks!

woopsies!

i forgot to update for a few days! def did damage, but making progress.  have a lot on my mind. do i stay or do i go? applying for a HUGE job in dc. if i get it, do i go? do i leave my whole life? the reason i bring it up on here? cost of living is WAY better, and i'd be making same or more salary. humph. someone make life decisions for me, please.

something's gotta give....

been working SO MUCH lately.  something's gotta give.  i'm losing my mind.  and shopping WAY too much.  at least i'm paying cash....that's the silver lining, if there is one.  and i still have a bunch of stuff to return this weekend.  stress=shopping. next week WILL be better...but again...haven't touched a credit card, so go me.

been home 30 mins.  and already need to get ready for bed.  BOO.

lucky.

that's all i'm going to say tonight. i'm seriously lucky i have my family in my life. i can't say i deserve it. but, i'm going to try reallllllly hard to deserve their love and the ridiculously nice things they do for me.

i'm insanely tired. 5.5 hours sleep is NOT enough.  hoping for 7ish tonight?! i have another 12 hour day tomorrow.  is it the 3 day weekend yet?!  i'm hoping for some cheap fun with friends that doesn't involve shopping.  it's SO EASY for the fall back plan to be shopping....i need something else!  the good news is i didn't shop today-go me!

so sleepy.

promise promise promise to try harder. i feel like a disaster w/ unpaid bills and a loaded debit card. i need to be stronger and less pathetic. sigh.

oops.

i had another horrendous stressful day at work. went walking around and ended up buying $34 lip gloss at bergdorf goodman. woops. at least i paid cash and it's cute, right? i got the one called cannes: http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod37100001&parentId=cat288206&masterId=cat288321&index=5&cmCat=cat000000cat000005cat000017cat10022cat288321cat288206

i'll do better, i'll do better, i'll do better!! tomorrow i have plans to go out tomorrow night w/ my friends. i need a night out!

goals this week

return some crap i don't really need, not go out for lunch (besides the in house work cafe), not take one cab to work, and to NOT work 58 hours!  doable?  we shall see. and not use ONE credit card all week. one week at a time, one week at a time.

bender.

why, oh why did old navy and gap have to have everything 30% off all weekend?  did damage, but not TOO bad.  and babysat and made $70. at least i didn't charge anything, although some of my cash would have been better used for paying bills.  may see if i have anything i can return....

either way, have a fabulous weekend.  started off today bright and early with a mitzvah (good deed) by volunteering to deliver food to older jewish ladies today.  so that's what life looks like when the men die, huh?  incredibly morbid and awful thought.  but kinda true.  i just hope i first of all, make it as long as they do, and two, have cute and adorable grandchildren to brag about.

i think i have some stuff i can return....that will make me certainly feel better.  mostly just got tshirts, tank tops from the gap and old navy.  they need to be replaced from time to time.  white shirts NEVER stay white, and black tees just get yucky.

i was cranky and almost went to jcrew.  luckily the store was closing so i couldn't go in.  was the universe trying to tell me something?  probably.

stress.

14 hour day. not fun. and right smack in the middle of this long day? a $200 bill for anesthesia from the endoscopy i had two weeks ago.  but not a bill.  they charged me already. the anesthesiologist is a freelancer who comes in my doctor's office to do procedures twice a week. anyway, after a near meltdown, i called my mom.  she felt bad and is sending some $$ to cover the bill so i can pay my rent/bills.  i can't wait for the day when i can send presents and stuff to my parents so i can repay them for all the help they've given me over the years.

anyway.  i'm getting better.  i've been browsing/shopping online so much less at work.  i think the less i do it, the easier it will get.  i did however, cheat a little.  i went to the gap after work (30% off, come on!) and bought a few tshirts.  they were on sale and then 30% off of that.  one's going back b/c i don't love it.  at least i didn't buy jeans or something expensive!  and i paid cash!  so there are so pluses.  still need to cut back.  but a few clean tshirts for work are never bad, right? i need to swing by old navy this weekend when i go to target (again, 30% off at old navy) and pick up some tank tops.  mine are gross and nubby from wearing them all summer.

anyway, hoping tomorrow is an ok day at work and not so long.  already worked 46 hours this week and i'm not even on day 5 yet.  tomorrow night when i get home from work, wine will be poured..

what i can live without, what i can't.

i read somewhere when you're cutting back on things, you shouldn't let yourself go.  so, the things i will not give up are as follows: eye brow tweezing, lip threading, manicures and pedicures (i'll go less frequently) and haircuts.  my job is a blessing and a curse.  b/c i come across very famous people quite a bit, i can't look like a hot mess everyday.  i will, however, no longer purchase $20 bottles of nail polish, cut back on expensive shampoo and last but not least, NO MORE LIP GLOSS!  i seriously must have 15 different lip glosses.  and these aren't cover girl, either.  we're talking every color bobbi brown has made, and countless chanel lip glosses.

also: i will not set foot into a victoria's secret.  i must have about 12 black bras and about 7 or 8 nude colored ones, and a few patterned ones too.  i could likely go a month w/o washing a single bra.  and underwear?  no more.  i have about 12 pairs of hanky pankys.  those bad boys are $18-22 per pair. for a lace thong. and i have no boyfriend.  my underwear drawers are an exploding victoria's secret showroom.

another thing i can't live without? my apartment. it makes me happy. i like my block, it's super quiet, and it's just me. i can watch whatever crappy tv shows i want without being mocked, and stay inside for a full 24 hour day and not feel like anyone is judging me for not getting out of pjs or brushing my teeth.

one thing i'll keep: about a month ago at nordstrom rack, i came across the most perfect pair of black boots.  i felt weird buying boots in july, and almost didn't get them.  i've been contemplating returning them, but i've decided to keep them.  they're exactly what i've been looking for, winter after winter. so that's my last present to myself.

here they are...

how'd i do today? not bad. got right on the subway instead of going outside to be tempted by stores. that's half the battle.  i also had a horrible, stressful day at work. my first thought was to go to bloomingdales, but i forced myself not to.  another small victory!

day 1.5

i'm bored. want to shop online. not going to do it!

day 1.

today is the day i put my foot down and stop shopping.  it's so hard.  nyc is a shopper and clothing addict's playground. just walking home from work; the options are endless. jcrew. ann taylor. bloomingdales. but, i'm going to stop. i've had enough. i'm 29 years old and this is humiliating. i should know better, i really should.  consider today the first day of the rest of my life. my debt is disgusting; probably 13k right now. i can't bring myself to add it all up right now.  but, i can do this. i know i can. i'm smart, successful, and most of all, AWARE.  writing here will be my diary; my place to document my progress.  therapy is too expensive.  this is my therapy.

today is the first day of the rest of my debt free life. it took everything in me, but instead of going shopping, i got on the bus and took myself home. it felt good.  i feel like i accomplished something.  tomorrow is day 2.  i know i can keep this going.  i have to.  and most of all, i have plenty of clothes to last me a while!